Everyone relax, I'm not dead.
Where the heck have I been? Well, on http://www.somethingawful.com/ I Posted a crazy story about my pinky finger. Read it at the Feb 15th post below if you haven't already. After I posted my story, I got 50,000, that's right 50,000 hits to my website from SA. This caused quit a bit of problems to my poor little website that is use to only getting about 10 people a day. Anyway, long story short, I got offers of help (money and otherwise), offers to move in with people to avoid my imminent death, and much, much ridicule. What I also got was a breach of my bandwidth with caused me to shift over to my free blog and not post after awhile. If you read my story, here is the real scoop (which was posted on SA last month):
"I was going to post that I'm not a compulsive liar, but then I thought back on when I first went to the hospital... I told the doctors and nurses that I broke my pinkie in the Maryland State Nose Picking Championships....
It was the final round, me and Sausage Hole were going in deep, suddenly my index cramped up and I went to my ring as the reserve. There, there was a deep, stuck, little one I couldn't reach. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sausage Hole pulling out his last big booger, the one that would likely put him over the edge. I couldn't let that happen. With all my might, I jammed my pinkie in as deep as it would go while praying to the god that helps those by mistake to allow me to get that winning booger. That's when I heard the crack. Result? Second place and a dislocated pinkie.
That's one story. What did I tell my friends? I was with a new girl, she liked it rough. I had given her all I could. I was tired. It was clear that all I could, was not enough. I decided to go for The Shocker, but I knew this girl could easily take it. She didn't need, nor want The Shocker, she wanted, The Xtra Shocker (my name on SA is XtraSmiley). Being the Xtra kind of guy I am, I decided to go for it. Turns out, I wasn't as "Xtra" as I though. This involves such rapid and intense movements, that my poor little "For the Stink" couldn't keep up. It just gave way to the overwhelming weight of the buttock. Crack. I left part of my fingernail in the battle field that day...
What did I tell my SA Goon buddies? Well, they needed a good story to turn their stomachs a bit. So I took an hour and came up with one. I'm glad some of you enjoyed.
What really happened? Fucking basketball game. THIS, THIS is why I don't do sports (I do gamble like a nut though). Yes it hurt. Yes I have a job. Yes, I guess I am a compulsive liar, but it was for all the right reasons!"
Well, that's it, now you know. I'm fine and I don't have a gambling problem, thanks for asking!
"I was going to post that I'm not a compulsive liar, but then I thought back on when I first went to the hospital... I told the doctors and nurses that I broke my pinkie in the Maryland State Nose Picking Championships....
It was the final round, me and Sausage Hole were going in deep, suddenly my index cramped up and I went to my ring as the reserve. There, there was a deep, stuck, little one I couldn't reach. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sausage Hole pulling out his last big booger, the one that would likely put him over the edge. I couldn't let that happen. With all my might, I jammed my pinkie in as deep as it would go while praying to the god that helps those by mistake to allow me to get that winning booger. That's when I heard the crack. Result? Second place and a dislocated pinkie.
That's one story. What did I tell my friends? I was with a new girl, she liked it rough. I had given her all I could. I was tired. It was clear that all I could, was not enough. I decided to go for The Shocker, but I knew this girl could easily take it. She didn't need, nor want The Shocker, she wanted, The Xtra Shocker (my name on SA is XtraSmiley). Being the Xtra kind of guy I am, I decided to go for it. Turns out, I wasn't as "Xtra" as I though. This involves such rapid and intense movements, that my poor little "For the Stink" couldn't keep up. It just gave way to the overwhelming weight of the buttock. Crack. I left part of my fingernail in the battle field that day...
What did I tell my SA Goon buddies? Well, they needed a good story to turn their stomachs a bit. So I took an hour and came up with one. I'm glad some of you enjoyed.
What really happened? Fucking basketball game. THIS, THIS is why I don't do sports (I do gamble like a nut though). Yes it hurt. Yes I have a job. Yes, I guess I am a compulsive liar, but it was for all the right reasons!"
Well, that's it, now you know. I'm fine and I don't have a gambling problem, thanks for asking!
posted by Mohammad at
6:43 AM
2 Comments:
Wow you have a talent for making up completely repulsive stories. There has to be money in that somehow, doesn't there?
By
Evil Genius, at 11:16 AM
Yeah, like a job that pays you for playing video games, I wish...
By
Mohammad, at 1:30 PM
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